I’ve Never Done Cocaine
In the past few years, coke has seemed to make a bit of a rise as the drug du jour again among those in their twenties. Being the robust age of 27, I’m proud to say that I have never done cocaine nor have I ever really felt an urge to experiment. I will try not to break my wrist as I pat myself on the back.
Yes, I grew up in the 1980’s and was forced fed the Nancy Regan anti-drug PSA’s. Yet, I don’t think it was a simmering over-easy egg that deterred me away from the booger-sugar. Thinking back, I can pinpoint EXACTLY when I decided I wouldn’t do cocaine. June 19, 1986. For any other Celtics-obsessed Masshole like me during the 80’s, you probably know this date too. The night Len Bias died.
ANYWAY, enough sports talk. A few months ago I was reminded why I will NEVER do cocaine. I had the unfortunate experience of drinking, in excess, Cisco. Here were the results:
“Something in this syrupy hooch (Cisco) seems to have a synapse-blasting effect not unlike low-grade cocaine.”
So yeah, I’ve never done cocaine, but it looks like I was pretty damn close.
Remember when the Brian Bozworth/Jose Canseco style of Oakley sunglasses were huge? Then, every corner store, deli, and supermarket sold the $10 knock-off version of those sunglasses. People would buy them and fool themselves and others that they possessed the “real deal.” Cisco would be cocaine’s corner-store Oakley’s.
SO, listen up kids, stay away from cocaine…AND CISCO. Well, unless you are looking to have a night full of you and your dude friends punching each other in the face, frantically jumping on a trampoline INSIDE an apartment, or waking up the next morning and vomiting an egg sandwich in the new bathroom of your then girlfriend…then knock yourself out. Literally.
