There Really is No Shame Left In the World
DRIVEN-”Reflecting the unique personality of one of the most driven men in America, Driven is a blended aroma of chilled grapefruit, clean oak moss and spice.”
Seriously, I want to fucking puke, on SOOOOO many levels. I hate cologne, I hate the Yankees, and LORD knows I hate to be driven. Uggg….
Man, this has to be a P.R. team’s wet dream. Derek Jeter…Yankees…COLOGNE. I can only imagine what kind of Long Island basement dweller would actually 1)purchase this cow piss and 2)apply this in hopes to increase his odds of picking up a sweet “Gina” at the Minneola Town Social.
What the public doesn’t know it that this isn’t the Yankees Organization and Avon Products first attempt at marketing a Bombers scent. Well, here’s your chance to catch the ones that didn’t quite make it to the shelves of your local Rite Aide.
MEAT – Jason Giambi
Meat provides it wearers with a robust scent that resembles a pungent mixture of pork grease, Crisco, and a bag of unwashed socks. Lather it on, and your ready for mediocre fielding and night on the town yelling obscenities at elderly women.
HERSHEY STURTZE- Tanyon Sturtze
That’s right folks, apply this toilet water to your neckline and/or torso and you can strut your stuff with a look of perpetual paranoia and constipation
RELAX – Don Zimmer
Why go out for a jog and lose some of the excess baggage when all you want to do is RELAX. This hot one brings you the finest bouquet of gastric indigestion, meatballs, George Steinbrenner’s crotch, and pastrami. Go ahead……RELAX
COVER UP – Mickey Mantle
Because you never know when you need to COVER UP the aroma of booze, vomit, and Bridge ‘N Tunnel vagina from the night before.
the constipation commercial w/ Zimmer is one of the most disturbing things ever to appear on TV. If I’m eating dinner and it comes on, I have to change the channel or stop eating.
Oh, I forgot about that ad! Actually, I love that ad, because it’s so honest. I mean, can’t you see Zim hanging out in the clubhouse pre-game, scarfing down chicken parms, calzones, salami and cheese sandwiches, and eating sticks of butter like they were bananas? Then the middle of the third inning rolls around it all catches up to him and obstructs his rectum. I have this vision of gold old Donnie weebling down the dugout tunnel to the clubhouse in between innings in hopes of squeezing out the littlest of nuggets while Joe Torre just sits there slowly shaking his head, as if to say, “Yup, there goes Don again, trying to pinch one out.” I just wish that Zim would have offered some of that stuff up to Sturtze in 2004 in order to relief that clogged up look in his face.
Best. Blog. Yet.
i love your blog, will keep looking you blog every day.