Happy St. Free Range To Make Fun of the Irish Day
On this day, every year, I get the same thing. People coming up to me saying, “Hey, today, big day for you right? You know, being Irish and all.” Translation: “CONNELLY!!! That’s an Irish name! Dude, your totally getting FUCKED UP tonight!! You guys are all alcoholics!”
Um…thanks? Why is it that people who are not of Irish descent feel the need to remind me and “my people” of one our most shameful stereotypes? I’ve yet to approach any of my Italian friends on Colunbus Day and spurt something out like, “Hey!!! Vinny Polumbo, HAPPY FUCKING COLUMBUS DAY!!! Here, I brought a pox ridden blanket that you can go wrap around a Native American. You Italians, you guys are NUTS!!!!!” I wouldn’t do that. Stop asking me if I want a Guiness or a fried potato sandwich. And if you are not Irish, don’t pretend that you are today. We already have enough assholes representing us, we don’t need you to add fuel to our raging fire.
Though I hate when people ask if I will be drinking on St. Paddy’s, truth is, I’ll most likely indulge in a few frosty beverages. I can’t help but actually bask in the stereotypes that my ancestors have bestowed upon me. However, I don’t gloat about it. Unlike like “Tod O’Malley” who ends up partaking in the annual flip cup toutnament, sporting a Nortre Dame sweatshirt and piss stained khakis, while simultaneously chanting “IRISH NUMBER 1!! IRISH NUMBER 1! IRISH NUMBER 1!!!!.” That’s just wrong.
Warick Davis, another celebrity spokesman for Proactiv
Yeah yeah, I’m lucky enough to keep my filthy Irish half hidden in my middle name. But seriously, fried potato sandwitch? That sounds good! Mmmmm… yeah, maybe with some fuckin’ cabbage and a Guiness?
Just drink your zima and be quiet kid.
OK, let’s make fun of the Irish…
I think you mean “free REIGN,” not “free RANGE.”
Free RANGE is poultry that is allowed to scamper about and frolic before it gets its head lopped of and is frozen and shipped to an A&P.
Hahahahahahaha. Dumb, bog-trotting, simian celtic Mick. Go boil your dinner.
Hahaha. Touche. Yes, I am stupid.
Great results from that Proactiv Solution.
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